your parents love me but you hate me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
