Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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