I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
