somebody snuck up and got me drunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
