The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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