He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
