mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
