call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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