i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
