I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
