We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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