All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
