Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You need a sexual gate keeper
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
