I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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