Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
