The maid of honor just puked.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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