What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
