did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
