Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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