I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
