She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
