It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
