Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
