btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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