Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
