We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.