the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry