It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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