Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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