She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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