you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
