there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
