i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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