forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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