Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's like iHOP with fire
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
