Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
