You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
