I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
