Jerry, you need to find god
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
