i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
