I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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