You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
