My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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