he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
