WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
