3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
