Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
