we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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