soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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