Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
