How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
