he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
