It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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