i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wish there were birth control emojis
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
