My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my shit smells like andre
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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