I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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