Yo dont text me then not text me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
