i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
