Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
