It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
