Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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