i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
