My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
