last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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