So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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