Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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