Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
