It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
