have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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